The number of bricks in the wall wasn’t an even number,
So I painted a fresh blue streak on the cracked and dry
white canvas,
Because I thought it was easy to be new.
But what’s new when the new became so old.
So I picked off all the scales off the trout in the pond,
And they stuck to my fingers like I wish you could,
And maybe I’d get your attention,
So I wouldn’t have to be new.
But NEW is in the magazines the TV and in our heads,
New is good, New is better
So I painted it all blue,
And my fish died.
1First line doesn't work with "number" twice.
ReplyDelete2take out the "and dry"
3good
4this line is confusing, it needs a question mark as well.
This image with the trout is the best part of this poem. It's very nice. I don't like the way it ends "and my fish died"
It's a bit early for me, so I'm having trouble articulating. See me to talk about this poem. There are nice things here.
Thank You for reading! I agree with your suggestions and just realized how I put "number" twice. I have problems ending my poems. Thanks for your suggestions. (:
ReplyDelete